Using Rocks to Fill the Potholes

Well, the teenage years are here.  And boy am I glad that I spent the summer training for a marathon.  I think the extra fitness will give me the stamina needed for, oh let's say, the next 10-15 years!!

Actually nothing really "big" has happened, but we have been dealing with some attitude issues with Sarah.  She really is a sweetheart, but when she flashes her alter-ego, watch out.  For instance, yesterday she and Marti had a school related issue come up.  Sarah answered sarcastically and acted a bit disrespectfully.  Marti, not wanting little things to become big things, tried to work through this with Sarah.  It took most of the day, back and forth, in between school.  I had to weigh into the situation at dinner.  At one point, after dinner, I needed to discipline Sarah.  And this of course lead to more time being invested in the situation.

After a while, after Sarah went through the range of anger, sarcasm, tears, and softening, she blurted out, "I just wanted us to have a happy evening."  I understood what she wanted, but I didn't like how she was getting there.  She said she was tired of having to "talk so much" and just wanted to close the issue.

At that point, I was reminded of the numerous potholes we have here in Nairobi.  I then thought about the "solution" that is usually employed to fix the potholes - they are filled with rocks.  This of course gives a "smooth" road for a few weeks, but then the hole just reappears, usually deeper, and more annoying.

I shared with Sarah that she was just using rocks to fill the potholes in our relationship.  She wanted to be happy.  She wanted to just cover up the problem, and go and do something fun.  But I explained that we needed to first reconcile, and then go and have fun.  And I explained that reconcilitation is harder and more costly to fix the hole in the relationship.  It usually took a bit longer than to just smile and be happy.  And fortunately, I think she got this.  She complains about the potholes and the stupid way that they are filled with rocks to fix it for a short time.

And so, at least for now, we are working on fixing this pothole the right way.  It will take a bit of time, but it will last.  And of course, we know there will be other holes to fix in the future, but at least then we will be encouraged to fix it before it gets too big and causes us to blow out the shocks in our relationship.

Comments

[Christy]

Well done.

I need to find a similar parallel with my 10 (going on 14!) year old daughter. ;)