Let me just go on the record as saying that I definitely do not belong here!! Nothing about this place is truly familiar, and my 2 week experience as a career missionary has been nothing to write home about.
I would like to report to you of all the evangelistic escapades I have been on, and the many lives touched for the Kingdom, and the spiritual nature of it all, but honestly, I'm just trying to figure out how to snap in these confounded snap-in light bulbs they have here. I have, in fact, nearly electrocuted myself trying, unsuccessfully, to snap one in the other day. My days have been full of cleaning, boiling noodles in my teapot, cleaning, frying pancakes in my wok, cleaning, killing spiders, cleaning...You get the picture.
We are "camping" in our home, and will be camping, most likely, until about Thanksgiving. We are sleeping on foam mattresses on the floor, and playing UNO at night by the dim light of a single 40 watt bulb hanging from the ceiling. Am I loving it? I wish I could tell you that I have had an adventurous spirit and a positive outlook about it all, but truthfully, my adventurous spirit left me about June of last year, when I had already had enough of this transition. I guess I just don't possess the natural skill set I would look for in a missionary if I were God.
Yes, I have been lamenting (Biblical code for complaining). The other day, to comfort myself, I retreated to my bathroom, threatened all the kids within an inch of their lives if they disturbed me, and took a bubble bath..in the middle of the day. It is amazing how tough life seems when we are stripped of all the familiar comforts we take for granted; familiar comforts like clean sidewalks, the turning colors of the leaves (which should be happening now), the mailman delivering the mail, and Chick-Fil-A's on every corner. As I sat there in my bubble bath, crying, I suddenly began to sing these words: "The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases. His mercies never come to an end. They are new every morning; new every morning. Great is thy faithfulness, Oh Lord. Great is thy faithfulness." I remembered that I have new mercies for this day.daily bread for this day..not a surplus, but enough for this day.
I truly am an alien here. I don't really belong here. It is a hard lesson for this missionary to learn. This overwhelming sense of "not belonging" is tough for me. The lack of familiarity is too much sensory overload for me. I must depend on the new mercies He gives me for this day. He is faithful. Why am I here? Because He has called me here, and it is my privilege to obey Him, whether I belong here or not.
Depending on His faithfulness, Marti
Ahhhhhh! It'll get better. I promise. But it might take longer than you wish.
I will pray for you today. I can promise you that, too.
Just browsing round and found you--and I'm glad I did.
Posted by: rebecca | October 15, 2004 at 02:28 PM
Marti,
Gosh how awesome it is to hear from you and Tim on your journey. I really enjoy reading about you and your times and I have been praying for you.
On a side note, If you know any 20-25 year old Women that are just like you, Let me know!
Posted by: Reid Bradley | October 15, 2004 at 07:06 PM
I really do know how you feel! Soon all those strange brands of food may even be preferred and you might even miss them when you go back. I have done my own fair share of lamenting about being 'alien' and one good thing that always comes out of it is a true and intense longing for my real home in heaven. We weren't meant for the rigors of Africa or Asia, OR the comforts of America. Realizing this has helped me cope!
Posted by: Jane | October 16, 2004 at 11:43 AM
Hang in there sis!! God is using you in ways you could never know. Even with your kids who see how much you love Him every day!! I love you and we've been praying for you daily along with many, many others. Ashley had a tournament today and last weekend and didn't win a single game. All you can do when you're down is hang in there... Have you seen the poster with cat that says Hang in there... well that's for you right now...
Posted by: Jim | October 16, 2004 at 05:54 PM
Hi. You've brought back some memories for me. I remember sleeping on the floor in a new country too! I know this might sound weird - but God does give us a love for a new place - even when the little things are frustrating. It will grow. I like your honesty! God bless you.
Posted by: Catez | October 20, 2004 at 09:54 PM
hey, thanks for this candid perspective.
you might enjoy (if you have time!) checking out these blogs --
SARAH SNOOK (with Samaritan's Purse in the Sudan)
http://www.spreadinghisword.org/congotrek
ROB & KARA HOWELL (in Mwanza, Tanzania)
http://www.spreadinghisword.org/mwanzamaandiko
Posted by: joy | October 21, 2004 at 05:08 PM
Marti, dear one, take it a day at a time. Soon you'll be in the strange place of finding America just as foreign, and crying out to the Lord as a refugee for real. Your citizenship is in heaven. I was four years in Austria, and just celebrated our 11th anniversary in Jordan. I wish I could say it was home, but with each day comes a new grace to not just survive, but thrive in the land of my calling. Celebrate every victory and take as many baths as you need to!
There is a great mag called "Women of the Harvest"for ladies like us.
Posted by: Wendy | October 24, 2004 at 01:38 PM