One of the more difficult parts of this journey to the mission field is the good-byes. We spent the past 4 days in my hometown where I grew up and where all of my grandparents live. I really tried to pay attention this visit to the many things that made growing up special.
This started Friday in our visit to Busch Stadium. It continued through the weekend. On Sunday, I was asked to "preach" at my parent's church. It was difficult at times looking out at many old and familiar faces. I saw my baseball coach, my Sunday School teacher, my parents, grandparents, uncle, and even an old girlfriend. It was humbling to be speaking to those who really "knew me".
We continued our stroll down memory lane by going to my Grandmother's house after church. Except for being more crowded than I remember as a kid(with my wife and 3 kids, my brother's family of 5, and my cousin and his family of 4)it seemed very familiar. My Grandmother had 21 different bowls and plates of food - something for everyone with at least one favorite dish for everyone - things like black-eyed peas, green beans, sweet corn, cooked apples, macaroni and cheese, biscuits, cornbread, 3 meats, and best of all the deviled eggs. And then of course 3 different deserts to choose from. Grandmother has cooked like this every Sunday for as long as I can remember. Even after lunch, just like old times, my brother and cousin went outside in the yard to play wiffle ball - with their own kids!
Then of course we went back to Grandmother's house this morning for breakfast - eggs over easy, fresh biscuits, sausage, bacon, and lots of homemade jellies. All this made to order and washed down with the strongest coffee in the St. Louis area! But instead of my dad taking me over, it was me taking my kids over.
However, this stroll down memory lane was a bit painful today. Instead of the usual hugs and kisses "goodbye", there were quite a few tears. You see, my Granddaddy is 88. And his health is declining somewhat. And he (and I) both knew that this may very well be the last time we see each other this side of glory. And although we both fully believe in the promises of God regarding eternity, it hurts to think that it may be a while before we see each other again.
My kids heard and saw this crying...and they joined in, with hugs and tears for Granddaddy. I am glad they experienced this. I want them to know that there is some pain and sacrifice involved in going to Kenya. Even at their young ages I want them to value their elders and lineage. I want them to realize that life is but a vapor, it is fleeting. I want them to experience the sorrow that comes when our loved ones aren't with us anymore.
I have forgotten this somewhat this year. I have been so busy with raising support, making plans, transitioning through jobs and houses and so on. I have forgotten the fact that for better or worse, my family (parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles) have left a mark on my life. They have impacted me. They are part of who I am.
I needed to take in my upbringing this weekend. I needed to be reminded of all the fun times. All the ordinary things that make up life, that give it meaning, purpose, direction. And I needed to be reminded that I am leaving them (family) behind for now. And I may even "lose" a few of them to the grave. But, I am reminded that I serve a Covenant loving God. A God that makes Covenants with Families.
You are right that goodbyes are hard, and not just because some people you leave behind may not be there when you come back. They are hard because the you that says goodbye to them will not be the you that returns. You will grow and change and if God has his way, radically and dramatically.
With that in mind I pray that God will be with you while you are away and with you when you return and may He be the link between the you that leaves and the you that returns.
Posted by: William Meisheid | August 18, 2004 at 04:18 PM
Amen to the sacrifices... we have been on the mission field for fourteen months now. The very day we went back to the US was the day I lost my grandfather. God's perfect timing to be able to go to the funeral and say my goodbyes, but too late to actually say it to him in person.
My husband's grandmother is very ill now, and we have been talking about the goodbyes that were able to be said in May. It's tough... we have seen that more than ever our sacrifice to be here was in the relationships with our families and friends.
Bless you, brother!
Posted by: Jan in Nicaragua | August 18, 2004 at 11:23 PM